The Edge of Adoption

In the last couple weeks, I've watched two incredibly inspirational movies, both of which could not be less different from eachother.

First off...

The Edge of Seventeen which came out in 2016 and stars Hailee Steinfeld. After seeing it for the first time a couple weekends ago, without question I would rank it as a cultural classic teenager movie. This is the exact type of feel-good movie that I wish I saw when I was a teenager. By the end of the movie, I got very emotional reminiscing on my years in high school and the relationship rollercoasters I went on. Needless to say, I shed a few tears.

As much as this movie will be added to one of my favourites, it's not what I wanted to focus this on today.

Then..

The second movie I watched was Lion. This movie flipped a switch in my life. It gave me the answers to the doubts I've been having for the past couple years. 

If you've never herd of the movie, or seen it, it's a true story about a 5 year old Indian boy who gets lost from his family and has to fend for himself for 2 months until an adoption agency picks him up off the streets, and has him adopted to an Australian couple. The movie spends half the duration following the child as he tries to navigate the streets of rural India, and the other half is set 20 years later as he starts the search to find his family back in India. The story in and of itself is remarkable and beautifully done, obviously I would highly recommend it.

The reason I am writing this today, is not only for a movie review, it's for something much more meaningful.


Everything Changed...

To cut to the chase, the last 10mins of the movie made me more emotional than I've ever been watching any movie/tv show. If someone was siting beside me, they would've probably told you I was "Kim Kardashian ugly crying" (If you don't know that meme, than what are you doing with your life...)

Like all things in my life lately, I reflect alot on what's going on around me and try to step outside the situation to get perspective on the present moment...all thanks to rigorous therapy over the last year.  So since this movie was making me emotional in ways I'd never felt before, obviously, I tried to wonder: why?

Why was I crying my eyes out and bawling for a movie with a happy ending?

Why did I feel such a connection with people I literally had nothing in common with?

... well maybe I do have something in common with them, or at least one day I will.

I had a conversation with a friend a while back where I told her I felt like there was a purpose missing from my life. I thought maybe it was a spirituality, or a belief system, or a just a way of being. I rejected the idea completely that what may be missing was a relationship. Looking back, and inwardly on myself today, I think my gut was correct after-all.

I'm not missing a belief, religion or spirit to believe in, I'm missing a relationship, but not the kind that you may be thinking of. Obviously one day I hope to find a husband who will I get along with, and who cares for me, but it's another relationship, I've now realized, that I am meant to have. So to my future husband I tell you this:

I am excited to meet you.

I am excited to fall in love with you.

I am excited to get butterflies everytime I see you or think of you.

I am excited to be your best friend.

I am excited to marry you.

I am excited to live with you and wake up next to you.

I am excited to have kids with you; biologically and though adoption.

Finally Answered...

So far in my adult life I've looked forward to having a family. Although I have not met (or have I...?) my "partner in crime", that is what I've always looked forward to; starting a family. I can't picture myself with my dream job, because honestly I don't know what that is yet. And when employers have asked where I see myself, in my career, in the future, I always told them I was unsure which professional position I would be holding, but the only thing that I was certain of was that I wanted to help people.

It's finally clear to me now, at least in one aspect of my life, what I mean by wanting to help people. Even I didn't fully know until now, until watching this movie.

My Motivation...

There are so many children who are in need of being adopted. After quick research, I found that in the US alone there are thousands of children who don't yet have a family, yet the number of adoptions are decreasing every year. Although you may think that is because the need for adoption had decrease, that isn't the case. New regulations have made it increasingly more difficult which is incredibly unfortunate, and is harming the children in need.

Although I tackled at the idea that maybe my motivation for wanting to help people should guide me towards working in social services and/or children welfare, I quickly realized that I am not suited for that kind of a job. I want to be the person, the parent. that this child trusts for the entirety of his/her life. I want to care for them, see them walk down the aisle, see them have children of their own, because he/she will be my child, no matter the DNA.

As dumb as this analogy may be, it's like how Khaleesi sees her dragons as her children. She didn't birth them, but she's been taking care of them since the day they were most vulnerable.  She loves them, has taken care of them for as long as they can remember, and they see her as their mother because of it. Human or animal, it doesn't matter, just like biological or not, won't matter to me.

Obviously, I still want to have biological children, if I can, but nonetheless I want to leave this world a better place than when I got here. And adoption is what I feel like I was meant to do.

Photo Credit: Global Citizen

"Because we both felt as it... the world has enough people in it. Having a child, couldn't guarantee it will make anything better. But to take a child that's suffering like you boys were. Give you a chance in the world. That's something." 

- Sue Brierley (Lion, 2016)

That's exactly how I fell. It's a quote from the movie Lion, and although Sue may not have actually said those words in real life, when Nicole Kidman uttered those lines, it hit me like a brick wall.

Having this enlightenment takes an inexplicable weight of my shoulders.

This is the first time, in writing, I've acknowledged and admitted to myself, that this is what I want to do in my life.  I have plenty of other goals and aspirations I hope to live and accomplish, but today I felt like sharing the new one added to my list.

I still have yet to say it out loud, or talk to anyone about it. So if you're reading this, whoever you are and whatever relationship you have with me, and you've thought about adoption as well, I'd love to talk to you about it!

No "Sugar Coating"...

I know adoption is not all sunshine and rainbows. It's not easy, for both the parent and the child. There are many decisions to make on the parents' side about how to raise the adopted child, and there are many pressure as an adopted child to try to fit in sometimes, knowing they don't carry their parents genes. 

I asked one of my really close friends of 10 years (damn I didn't realize it's been that long), who just so happens to be adopted herself, what her thoughts were on her own experience being adopted. From what she told me, I gathered that although the parents are taking a risk by introducing a stranger into their family, the positive outcomes outweigh the potential pitfalls.

The biggest risk that cannot be anticipated is how the child react to the situation they've been put through, being adopted. In my opinion, though I obviously don't have experience, I think that parenting has a large influence on that. If you keep an open conversation between you, the parent, and child and make it a sort of "safe space" to talk about, even from a very early age, those issues could be avoided. This is obviously a case-by-case basis issue, depending on, at what age was the child adopted at and what the community surrounding the child is like for them to grow up into. But, it's not an impossible feat to conquer.

Overall, there are alot of important things to consider and talk about, that some people may not realize before thinking about adopting. So don't worry about me, I'll be doing a lot of research, and honestly a lot of soul searching before a final decision is ever made. But just the thought of knowing that a missing piece of the puzzle in my life has been given to me is exceptional.


Special Moments...

And if you've never seen Lion, I would highly recommend. Not because it will make you want to adopt a child, but because the movie itself is incredibly well made and shot. Dev Patel and Nicole Kidman are remarkable actors, and portrayed their roles beautifully. After all, it is a pretty incredible true story.

Finally, I made this blog as a way of self reflection and sort of therapy for me for the last couple months. I find it heartwarming the number of epiphanies I've been able to share with people about my life. It makes me even happier knowing that those who care about me are also following along on my journey by reading what I've written.

This story in particular, I think, is my most special because it doesn't tackle my own self improvement, or empowering my community, it's so much bigger. Maybe it'll spark something in one of you.

I've always pictured myself helping people, in whatever way I felt comfortable doing so, at some point in my life. But I always felt lost as to how I could help in a meaningful and impactful way, separate from my 9-5 job. And maybe, just maybe, I've finally found that key.


-Marie