Flowers In The Concrete

This weekend I was challenged by a “friend” about all of this: this blog, my Instagram, and what it all meant to me because as much as the information I share is very private, I share it very publicly.  

I talk about things that are personal to me that I don’t typically share with strangers, yet all of it is public and I share it all with people who, although I may know only by name and face, I wouldn’t consider friends.  

Why is that? 

That’s what my “friend” challenged me with. 

Why do I say that I don’t want to share my Instagram with strangers, yet all of what I am sharing, is public on the internet for anyone to see, even people I hardily even know. 

I have this fear of strangers reading my personal thoughts, yet I continuously share my thoughts with strangers. As my “friend” put it, my actions and fears don’t match up, making it quite confusing for everyone, and myself, to explain what this all is for. 

Today, I just wanted to clear this all up for you, but mostly for me. If I am proud and confident in the things that I write about than I shouldn’t be scared to share it with someone I’ve just met. Yes, somethings I talk about are very personal, but ultimately my goal for all of this, is not to me my diary. 

When I started writing, for this blog specifically, my motives were clear: I needed a creative outlet to escape from my pedestrian daily routine. Forms of entertainment through the internet, tv shows and moves, could only do so much for me. I craved a means of putting my thoughts to words because frankly, I was driving myself crazy. 

So I started writing about momentous occasions in my life, topics of popular culture that I was interested in and slowly my writing started resembling opinion pieces. My personal thoughts were translated on a keyboard and posted for all my Facebook friends to see. At the same time as I was worried what some people would think about my opinions, I was confident in what I wrote because I never censored myself. I won’t lie to you here either, I still teeter between the two every time I hit “post”. 

It’s complicated because it’s not easy to share with strangers what your personal hopes and dreams are. Everybody is different and everybody could interpret what you say in a different way. You could come off as attention seeking, needy, spoiled and/or immature.  

I’ve tried not to let it all get in my head, but as you can see it’s been quite difficult, but no matter what I think I have be honest with myself because I’ve been honest so far with all of you reading this. 

I started this blog as a form of self-expression. I tend to think a lot and analyze a lot about my surrounding environment, but I hardily ever verbally express myself. After a while, those thoughts can get pretty crowed in my head, and I had to get them out somehow, and so here we are. Over the past couple months though I feel like I’ve shifted my motives. 

What I enjoy sharing most is moments of self-help. Topics to hopefully inspire the people reading to make a step forward in their own community about an issue. That doesn’t mean they should feel inspired to start a rally about equality, but instead I am trying to instill an open mind for people who may not realize they needed it. 

I write about moments in my life where I’ve been shown or made aware of events/people/ideas/messages that I didn’t realize myself until they were put in front of me. This makes me what to share the same message with my community, in hopes that it will spark something in someone reading it and they will share it with their community. 

I think what I am trying to say is this. 

I shouldn’t be afraid to write about things if I am passionate about them. Though I haven’t held back on this before, I shouldn’t think twice before hitting “post”. Similarly, I shouldn’t be afraid of sharing what I write. Though some people may not agree with my opinions, that’s life and I should accept the fact that not everybody thinks the same way I do. This applies to sharing this chunk of my life with complete strangers because it’s inevitable when making it all public. 

And if I truly feel that writing and sharing with everyone may help even just one person, no matter if they are a friend or a stranger, I should keep doing. So I will. For however long it feels right for me. 

I still find it very difficult to express all of this in person with even my closest friends, so hopefully one day I’ll come out from hiding. I’ll be honest, and it’s no secret, that there’s this confidence that comes with expressing yourself from behind a screen, that can’t be matched in the real world for some reason. Maybe one day I’ll figure that out too. 

When it comes to my stand on the implications of social media for my generation, I am aware that I haven’t seen very black and white. That is completely on me because I am still very confused myself. As much as I hate the way it’s shaping a lot of social interaction, it has huge benefits that I take advantage of everyday and couldn’t see myself without them. As you can see, it’s all still up in the air. Hopefully, one day I figure that out for myself as well. 

As for now, if you were ever wondering why I am doing all of this, now you know. And if you never cared, then I’m not sure why you’ve kept reading until now (lol). Nonetheless, if something I’ve written about has done anything for you in your life, I’d love to know! But I can’t guarantee I won’t curl up into a ball of awkward if you tell me in person either. Again, another thing that I am finding quite complicated and hard to tackle, but I’ll figure it out eventually, right...?! 

Anyways, thank you, to whoever you are still reading this and I hope you keep reading what I have in store in the next coming weeks. I hope it somehow inspires you. 

Marie