My Experience with a TNA (toe surgery)
Getting it out the way first, because I don't want to mislead anyone, TNA is referring to a surgery were the whole toe nail is removed. I will not be reviewing a TNA store, so unless you're interested to read about my experience which led to getting my toe nail removed, you should stop reading because it might get graphic... might.
So hello! Whoever decided to stick around thank you for not being afraid of a little surgery. Let me start my story from the very beginning, but just know its a 7 year-long story.
The Culprit
New York City, 2012. I don't remember the exact time of year but it was cold enough, and slightly rainy that I had brought boots to wear for the trip. One or two days into city-walking, my foot is hurting like hell, well my right big toe to be more specific. I noticed I had adopted a bruise/inflammation on my toe, and the pain made it unbearable to wear my boots anymore. We (my family and I ) were forced the next day to buy a new pair of uber-comfy shoes the next day. I opted for Sperry Top-Siders, which I still wear to the this day because they are so comfortable! Fast forward, we ended the trip, came home, waited for the bruise to go away and it never did. After a month of waiting, one day I removed the pink nail polish from my toes to repaint them, and realized my toe nail had gone yellow. Ya.... not normal. So we booked an appointment with my doctor, she gave me antibiotics; problem solved.
The Problem
Obviously, problem was not solved. Here is where some key details, and technical terms come into the story. The antibiotics fixed the inflammation in my toe, but what I didn't realize is that the worst damage of all was already done, and we couldn't do anything about it. As months and months went on what happened was that my toe nails, on both feet started to grow layers. To explain in words, (because I really don't want to insert a graphic image) imagine your nail where it is now, then it separate from the bottom (the root) but stays attached on the side, kind of like pushing off. Then picture a completely new nail growing from the root and continuing to grow put placing itself underneath the first nail. Then imagine that process many many times. So the length of the toe nail in my case, over time, never grew out to the point where I had to cut it. But due to the layering of nail after nail, it grew upwards and became thicker. With the increase in layers it also started "detaching" from the sides of my nail, and the front (where the pink part ends and white part of the nail grows).
The Solution(?)
As months, and years, went on, I though that the cycle would eventually stop. Looking down at my toe I could see a new, healthy, pink toe nail growing, but the next thing I knew, it turned yellow and separated itself from the root and another nail started to grow again. It was a vicious cycle that I tried to google to understand and nothing would come up. One day I was determined to find something to help me narrow down what was going on and how I could fix it, because my doctor, time and time again had no idea either and suggested I just wait it out. I googled and spent hours searching keys words until I came across a forum that suggested to soak my toes in warm water with Epson salt because it suggested that the problem was that my nail was going through cycle of extreme dryness. And because it was so dry, it could grow only to a certain point until it would "crack" and separate from the root. So that's what I did for around 6-9 months. At this time when I started the soaking, it was around July 2016.
The Disappointment
It took a long time to see results of the soaking. After many months, I think almost a year, my left big toe had gone back to normal. But the right one had no hope in sight, but I kept trying and hoped for the best. I stopped the soaking after a year of doing it just fed up of seeing absolutely no results. I went again to see my doctor during the summer of 2017 and she recommended me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist told me he could give me a topical creme to go over the nail in hopes of it growing back to normal after enough waiting. But he also suggested that I could just remove the nail all together and be rid of the issue. Minded, I'd already done a fungus test 3 times at this point and they all came back negative. And let me tell you this, if the issue was fungal, the solution would be plain and simple and could be fixed with a prescription, so I was really frustrated. I left him the first time needing more time to think about what I wanted to do. But then another year went by because I still had hope it would fix itself miraculously.
The Breaking Point
Now at the end of the summer of 2018, when I say I was fed up, oh my god do I mean it. I would look at my nail and just cry because I hated the way it looked and felt and nothing could fix it, at least from the opinion of my doctors. So I went back to the dermatologist for a second, fresh, opinion a year later being fully prepared to figure out how to go about just removing the nail. He recommend that I make a consultation with podiatrist because he wasn't equipped or even fully knowledgeable in the area of toe nails, and feet in general. So I went on the search for a podiatrist in my area and made an appointment as soon as possible. I saw the podiatrist (who is also a certified chiropodist) for the first time about a month ago and he told me the same thing I'd known deep down. I could leave the nail alone and be perfectly healthy, but the fact that it hadn't healed itself after almost 7 years, there was no way it ever would, ever, heal. He suggested that I could get it removed if I wanted to, or again, leave it be. And that's what I wanted to do. GET THE DAMN THING OFF! So I booked the appointment for the surgery.
The Reason
Many people have asked me why I decided to remove my nail if it wasn't actually painful at all. Which is a fair question, but imagine if your entire toe nail was raised about 1cm thick and it was just barely even hanging onto your toe. Everytime you put on and took off your socks it would tug on it just a bit but never enough to take the entire toe nail off. Everytime you wore a pair of shoes it would wiggle and tub on the top sole of your shoe. Everytime you moved in your bed it would rub on the sheets and wiggle, or get caught on the sheets and you would feel like your nail has been ripped off. It's hard to fully understand and feel what I was going through having this nail in my life but know, it was only a nuisance. When going back and forth about pros and cons of keeping it on, the only pro was that visually, you are "normal" if you have 10 toe nails. But even that, my toe nail didn't even look normal! It looked yellow, almost brown, and stood out anyways! It hasn't looked normal since that trip I took to New York City almost 7 years ago! So why would I keep it if keeping was only causing me pain and discomfort..?!
The Update
So I had my surgery a couple days ago and it actually went much better than I was anticipating. They gave me an anesthetic for my toe so I didn't feel a thing which was very necessary. T I was fully awake during the procedure, but I was laying in this chair (similar to a dentists' chair) and there was a sort of curtain that let me see the doctor's head and such but I was completely shielded from seeing my feet. At first I thought I'd want to see the toe as he was removing the nail, but the fact that they had this curtain gave me an indication that I probably wouldn't want to see what was about to happen.
So now, around 3 days post-op, I'm still have a some difficulty walking on the foot only because of the discomfort I still have when putting pressure on the toe. It kind of feel like a brick is sitting on foot everytime I try to lift it. I've always had the nail there my entire life, so now that it's gone, the feeling on walking is also a little strange, plus the nail bed and the flesh is still very raw so discomfort is normal. I was given a daily routine to follow from the doctor to change the bandage over the nail and I can honestly say that's been tough to do. The optics of looking at my toe and the feeling when I touch it is really hard to grasp. My brain and my eyes aren't really understanding what is going on if that makes sense because it's all so foreign. I've been having a tough time cleaning the surgical sight too, so my dad has really helped me with that.
The last part of this, which is another question many people have is "Will it ever grow back". And the simple answer is no. The thing with my toe is that the nail bed where the nail was growing from was damaged. So no matter what, it would never grow back to your typical/normal-looking nail. I could have chosen to just remove the toe nail and leave the site as in and wait for the new nail to grow and see if it would look normal, but the odds of that were basically impossible. So during the surgery, the doctor applied this chemical to the nail bad which basically killed any new nail growth.
If you want to know more you can google the surgery, which as the title says, is called a TNA toe surgery.
The healing process is going to be a little lengthy, with a full recovery taking on average 6 weeks. For the next two weeks at least I will have to keep covering the toe with some creme and a band-aid, as prescribed by the doctor. But in the long run, I'll be thankful I decided to do it now that I don't have any major commitments for the next 4 months, giving me lots of time to take it easy and heal properly.
The Freedom
Don't let my positive attitude completely fool you. I've had some times of regret, of "why did I do this" and "I'll never be able to go back", or "Oh my god what I have done, what was I thinking, I could've dealt with this, it wasn't a big deal". But thinking about how the last 7 years have been so stressful and frustrating, and how I haven't gone a day without looking at my toe in disgust, there is no way I could have gone another 7 years, let alone another 50, 60 years of my life worrying and stressing about it. It's gone now, and it won't cause me any more discomfort. And if people want to give me side-eye, or judge me for not having a toe nail then they need to get a reality check. A toe nail is the least of my everyday problems. I don't depend on it to survive so without it I am still the same person. I shouldn't be looked at differently, or judged, for not looking like what society's standards are for young women to have pretty hand and feet. Whether I have 9 toes or 11, or 9 toe nails, why the hell does it matter. If it doesn't bother me to be different, then it shouldn't bother you because technically, we are all different anyways. You don't judge someone on the street because they don't look just like you, do you?!
If you want to ask me about it then I'd LOVE to talk about it because I actually found this whole process really interesting, looking back now. It wasn't so fun while I was living it though. If you want to know more than ask! It shouldn't be the elephant in the room anyways because I guarantee, for the rest of my life, 95% of the people I interact with, won't even know my dirty little secret... and that in and of itself, is kinda cool.
I'm strangely kind of proud that I look different than your average 21 year old girl, because, truthfully, I've never wanted to be average.
Marie
So hello! Whoever decided to stick around thank you for not being afraid of a little surgery. Let me start my story from the very beginning, but just know its a 7 year-long story.
The Culprit
New York City, 2012. I don't remember the exact time of year but it was cold enough, and slightly rainy that I had brought boots to wear for the trip. One or two days into city-walking, my foot is hurting like hell, well my right big toe to be more specific. I noticed I had adopted a bruise/inflammation on my toe, and the pain made it unbearable to wear my boots anymore. We (my family and I ) were forced the next day to buy a new pair of uber-comfy shoes the next day. I opted for Sperry Top-Siders, which I still wear to the this day because they are so comfortable! Fast forward, we ended the trip, came home, waited for the bruise to go away and it never did. After a month of waiting, one day I removed the pink nail polish from my toes to repaint them, and realized my toe nail had gone yellow. Ya.... not normal. So we booked an appointment with my doctor, she gave me antibiotics; problem solved.
The Problem
Obviously, problem was not solved. Here is where some key details, and technical terms come into the story. The antibiotics fixed the inflammation in my toe, but what I didn't realize is that the worst damage of all was already done, and we couldn't do anything about it. As months and months went on what happened was that my toe nails, on both feet started to grow layers. To explain in words, (because I really don't want to insert a graphic image) imagine your nail where it is now, then it separate from the bottom (the root) but stays attached on the side, kind of like pushing off. Then picture a completely new nail growing from the root and continuing to grow put placing itself underneath the first nail. Then imagine that process many many times. So the length of the toe nail in my case, over time, never grew out to the point where I had to cut it. But due to the layering of nail after nail, it grew upwards and became thicker. With the increase in layers it also started "detaching" from the sides of my nail, and the front (where the pink part ends and white part of the nail grows).
The Solution(?)
As months, and years, went on, I though that the cycle would eventually stop. Looking down at my toe I could see a new, healthy, pink toe nail growing, but the next thing I knew, it turned yellow and separated itself from the root and another nail started to grow again. It was a vicious cycle that I tried to google to understand and nothing would come up. One day I was determined to find something to help me narrow down what was going on and how I could fix it, because my doctor, time and time again had no idea either and suggested I just wait it out. I googled and spent hours searching keys words until I came across a forum that suggested to soak my toes in warm water with Epson salt because it suggested that the problem was that my nail was going through cycle of extreme dryness. And because it was so dry, it could grow only to a certain point until it would "crack" and separate from the root. So that's what I did for around 6-9 months. At this time when I started the soaking, it was around July 2016.
The Disappointment
It took a long time to see results of the soaking. After many months, I think almost a year, my left big toe had gone back to normal. But the right one had no hope in sight, but I kept trying and hoped for the best. I stopped the soaking after a year of doing it just fed up of seeing absolutely no results. I went again to see my doctor during the summer of 2017 and she recommended me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist told me he could give me a topical creme to go over the nail in hopes of it growing back to normal after enough waiting. But he also suggested that I could just remove the nail all together and be rid of the issue. Minded, I'd already done a fungus test 3 times at this point and they all came back negative. And let me tell you this, if the issue was fungal, the solution would be plain and simple and could be fixed with a prescription, so I was really frustrated. I left him the first time needing more time to think about what I wanted to do. But then another year went by because I still had hope it would fix itself miraculously.
The Breaking Point
Now at the end of the summer of 2018, when I say I was fed up, oh my god do I mean it. I would look at my nail and just cry because I hated the way it looked and felt and nothing could fix it, at least from the opinion of my doctors. So I went back to the dermatologist for a second, fresh, opinion a year later being fully prepared to figure out how to go about just removing the nail. He recommend that I make a consultation with podiatrist because he wasn't equipped or even fully knowledgeable in the area of toe nails, and feet in general. So I went on the search for a podiatrist in my area and made an appointment as soon as possible. I saw the podiatrist (who is also a certified chiropodist) for the first time about a month ago and he told me the same thing I'd known deep down. I could leave the nail alone and be perfectly healthy, but the fact that it hadn't healed itself after almost 7 years, there was no way it ever would, ever, heal. He suggested that I could get it removed if I wanted to, or again, leave it be. And that's what I wanted to do. GET THE DAMN THING OFF! So I booked the appointment for the surgery.
The Reason
Many people have asked me why I decided to remove my nail if it wasn't actually painful at all. Which is a fair question, but imagine if your entire toe nail was raised about 1cm thick and it was just barely even hanging onto your toe. Everytime you put on and took off your socks it would tug on it just a bit but never enough to take the entire toe nail off. Everytime you wore a pair of shoes it would wiggle and tub on the top sole of your shoe. Everytime you moved in your bed it would rub on the sheets and wiggle, or get caught on the sheets and you would feel like your nail has been ripped off. It's hard to fully understand and feel what I was going through having this nail in my life but know, it was only a nuisance. When going back and forth about pros and cons of keeping it on, the only pro was that visually, you are "normal" if you have 10 toe nails. But even that, my toe nail didn't even look normal! It looked yellow, almost brown, and stood out anyways! It hasn't looked normal since that trip I took to New York City almost 7 years ago! So why would I keep it if keeping was only causing me pain and discomfort..?!
The Update
So I had my surgery a couple days ago and it actually went much better than I was anticipating. They gave me an anesthetic for my toe so I didn't feel a thing which was very necessary. T I was fully awake during the procedure, but I was laying in this chair (similar to a dentists' chair) and there was a sort of curtain that let me see the doctor's head and such but I was completely shielded from seeing my feet. At first I thought I'd want to see the toe as he was removing the nail, but the fact that they had this curtain gave me an indication that I probably wouldn't want to see what was about to happen.
So now, around 3 days post-op, I'm still have a some difficulty walking on the foot only because of the discomfort I still have when putting pressure on the toe. It kind of feel like a brick is sitting on foot everytime I try to lift it. I've always had the nail there my entire life, so now that it's gone, the feeling on walking is also a little strange, plus the nail bed and the flesh is still very raw so discomfort is normal. I was given a daily routine to follow from the doctor to change the bandage over the nail and I can honestly say that's been tough to do. The optics of looking at my toe and the feeling when I touch it is really hard to grasp. My brain and my eyes aren't really understanding what is going on if that makes sense because it's all so foreign. I've been having a tough time cleaning the surgical sight too, so my dad has really helped me with that.
The last part of this, which is another question many people have is "Will it ever grow back". And the simple answer is no. The thing with my toe is that the nail bed where the nail was growing from was damaged. So no matter what, it would never grow back to your typical/normal-looking nail. I could have chosen to just remove the toe nail and leave the site as in and wait for the new nail to grow and see if it would look normal, but the odds of that were basically impossible. So during the surgery, the doctor applied this chemical to the nail bad which basically killed any new nail growth.
If you want to know more you can google the surgery, which as the title says, is called a TNA toe surgery.
The healing process is going to be a little lengthy, with a full recovery taking on average 6 weeks. For the next two weeks at least I will have to keep covering the toe with some creme and a band-aid, as prescribed by the doctor. But in the long run, I'll be thankful I decided to do it now that I don't have any major commitments for the next 4 months, giving me lots of time to take it easy and heal properly.
The Freedom
Don't let my positive attitude completely fool you. I've had some times of regret, of "why did I do this" and "I'll never be able to go back", or "Oh my god what I have done, what was I thinking, I could've dealt with this, it wasn't a big deal". But thinking about how the last 7 years have been so stressful and frustrating, and how I haven't gone a day without looking at my toe in disgust, there is no way I could have gone another 7 years, let alone another 50, 60 years of my life worrying and stressing about it. It's gone now, and it won't cause me any more discomfort. And if people want to give me side-eye, or judge me for not having a toe nail then they need to get a reality check. A toe nail is the least of my everyday problems. I don't depend on it to survive so without it I am still the same person. I shouldn't be looked at differently, or judged, for not looking like what society's standards are for young women to have pretty hand and feet. Whether I have 9 toes or 11, or 9 toe nails, why the hell does it matter. If it doesn't bother me to be different, then it shouldn't bother you because technically, we are all different anyways. You don't judge someone on the street because they don't look just like you, do you?!
If you want to ask me about it then I'd LOVE to talk about it because I actually found this whole process really interesting, looking back now. It wasn't so fun while I was living it though. If you want to know more than ask! It shouldn't be the elephant in the room anyways because I guarantee, for the rest of my life, 95% of the people I interact with, won't even know my dirty little secret... and that in and of itself, is kinda cool.
I'm strangely kind of proud that I look different than your average 21 year old girl, because, truthfully, I've never wanted to be average.
Marie
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