His #1 Draft Pick

If artists can sing about their heartbreak, I can write about it to the 2 people that read this. Right?

Ok, I'm not heartbroken, but I liked him enough to want to work through our issues, and he didn't.

I told him he wasn't someone I wanted to date, because of 'xyz' which is true, but I wish I also would've told him sooner; to give him a chance to show me he could change, and wanted to. But he left before I could get the words out.

I wanted to work through it with him. I didn't mind only seeing him once a week, but in between he didn't call, he didn't plan our dates (except for when I went to visit his hometown), I didn't feel like he cared for me at times. These things made me aware that this was going to take work if we wanted to, but he didn't want to make it work. I wanted to grow with him, because I could see that neither of us knew what were doing, but he didn't.

Over the last year, I've learned alot and grown into myself so much; I'm far from perfect or have it all figured out, but I know I have so much love to give. And when I met him, I was ready to give him my heart. He was different than the rest. I was so comfortable with him. When it was just me and him, it felt like I'd known him my entire life, like I knew everything about him. I could laugh with him, I didn't feel insecure. We didn't have everything in common, but time flew when we talked. He made fun of me, and I gave it right back to him. Everything was great at first. He was so similar to me, yet so fascinatingly different. I wonder if he felt the same. But he wasn't perfect, none of us are.

I can't control anyone but myself, and in the past I've been disappointed with how I acted or what I said with people I was seeing, but not with him. Of coarse I wish I would've been more forthright about what was bothering me as soon as it did, but I'm not perfect; none of us are. I was myself with him, I didn't put up this front of who I thought he wanted me to be, I gave 100% of myself to him when I could. I was vulnerable when the time felt right. I didn't overreact to the little things, I allowed myself time to process first. Maybe I gave it too much time... because he left. But if I knew this was how it was going to end, I still would've tried to give him my heart.

Don't get me wrong. It sucks to invest time and slowly let your guard down with a stranger just for them to say you're great just not enough. But I wouldn't have done it differently, and if it's not meant to be, well it's not meant to be. I won't beg someone to be with me. I won't tear someone down when they make a mistake. I won't trash him to my friends. I really liked him, and that's the truth. That's not going to change. I won't pretend like he meant nothing to me. When I invite someone into my life, I care about them, and when I spent time with someone, it's because their presence makes me happy.

He said he still wants to be friends, still wants to get to know me, so we'll see if he reaches out. 

I'd take him back if he proved to me he was ready to give me the love I know I deserve, but I won't wait for him. If the time is right, anything is possible, but for now, I'll take what I learned about myself and I'll be a better partner for the man who will make me feel like a priority, like his #1 draft pick.